there have been a few times in my short life where i thought there was a good possibility that i was on candid camera...
here are a few:
mrs rider went to costa rica for a month...i flew down in the middle of that month for a week and a half or so...on the flight a girl sat next to me, said hi, buckled up, everything normal...so this girl...okay here's the deal...she was a 10...i will digress shortly because to much detail could be taken by mrs rider as infatuation...anyway...i am talking super model hot...so about an hour in flight she is asleep with her head on my shoulder...in my defense i was glued to the window...i couldnt budge any further over...i even gave it a few shoulder twitches...nothing worked...okay i could have taken her head and shaken it like a magic 8ball, but me shaking some girls head on a plane probably wouldn't have ended well...anyway...little by little more of her was on more of me...no exaggeration...just short of her having me in a full nelson i finally pushed her off...she barely woke up...two minutes later...it was her head on my shoulder...back to where we had started...i thought the only explanation was candid camera...who knows maybe she took a sleeping pill...anyway...as we were leaving the plane she was two in front of me...one of the pilots who was standing in the cockpit talking to a flight attendant just about broke his neck when she walked by...then he looked back and said "wow"...
it was late at ABC about 6 years ago...back in the day, we had sassy red's down the street...two motels close...and a slime hole bar in the same shopping center...so we had our fair share of interesting customers...so this lady comes in...she stood out a little...most used book shoppers didnt have the attire of black leather and fish net...anyway...she picks out $53 worth of books...brings them up and gets ready to pay and "discovers" she has no money...so i tell her i can hold them for her...and at the time i had an employ situation at the forefront of my mind...so i wasn't really paying much attention to this lady...so she responded by asking if there were any other options...i gave her a blank stare...at first i really had no clue what she was talking about...just about the time i starting comprehending what she meant, she says, "so is there ANYTHING i can do to get these books"...i was a deer in the headlights...i really thought someone would pop out laughing with a camera...but no...it was a real proposal by a hooker...sex for used books...i declined and told her i would reshelve the books...
i thought of these because i had a caller this morning who must not have listened to me answer "3rd St. Books"...this lady starts talking dirty to me...so i am trying to figure out who this could be...i shortly realize this was not a prank by a friend because i dont have any friends that would talk like this porno mouthed sailorette...i finally interupt and say that this is 3rd St Books...after a long silence, she says, "so this isn't phil?"...i simply said "no"...and she said, "have a good day" and hung up...
if you have any good ones, please share...
and by the way...enjoy ice ice baby and buttermilk biscuits...you're welcome
later from 3rd St.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
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3 comments:
I am seriously LOL reading these!!! So funny...
One night my roommate and I drove across the street from Evangel to Taco Bell. As we walk in we realize the guy in front of us ordering has on flip-flops and the SHORTEST boxers, yes boxers, I have ever seen. (Apparently the no shirt-no service policy was not in effect on this particular night either.) Of course I am doing everything in my power not to crack up laughing and pretending like everything is normal, when he turns around to me and offers me his change because...in his words, "Hon, you want this change? As you can see I ain't got no where to put it."
WHAT???
I politely declined...I'm sure with a "deer in the headlights" look on my face. It was all I could do to keep tears from rolling down my face before he walked out, I don't think I've ever laughed so hard.
Did I mention it was FREEZING outside.
Anyway, as my best friend ordered she asked if they were filming an episode of candid camera tonight and we laughed more, but the lady at the cash register stared at us like WE we the crazy ones!
OK...stuff like this happens to me all the time....I can't type this much...but I can summarize.
1. There was the Knee Knocker when Cindy, Dave Rogers and I were traveling via American Airlines one day.
2. There was the Stake-Out at Table Rock Lake one night shortly after Cindy & I were married.
3. There was the Sandi Patti concert at the Grand Palace.
4. There was several renters of the Elvira costume when I worked at ATC back when Elvira was the mistress of the night.
5. There was the days when I did sound for the Harem Boutique Fashion shows at Twin Oaks, Hickory Hills & The Tower Club.
6. There was the first time I ever went over to Joe Reynolds house when we were all in High School.
7. There was the time when I was developing film in the darkroom at Strafford High.
8. There was the time that I walked out of my hotel and right into a photo shoot on the beach in Miami.
...and those are only the ones I can talk about...:-)
Rider, what a coincidence! I was on a plane last month to Costa Rica and all I wanted was to get some sleep, but the guy whose shoulder I kept leaning on kept rudely nudging me awake . . .
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